Erotic humiliation is a consensual arrangement with all participants. There are a number of different levels of play people enjoy – from lightly embarrassing someone during sex or play, to humiliating them, to completely degrading them. What one person finds humiliating, another might not find humiliating at all. What one person finds to be erotic, another person might find psychologically damaging. As erotic humiliation is a psychological form of domination/submission play, it’s important that limits are set and agreed upon before beginning to ensure it remains a positive experience, and that there are no lasting negative psychological impacts. It is also always a good idea to have a safe word (which when said by either party will stop the scene immediately). As long as we understand that erotic humiliation needs to be conducted with care, just as with other more physical forms of BDSM, it can be a great source of joy and empowerment.
So, why exactly do some people enjoy being humiliated? This answer is very different depending on who you ask and what position (the one who humiliates or the humiliated) the person takes. I think Princess Kali sums it up best in her incredible book, Enough To Make You Blush (which I would highly recommend to anyone interested in erotic humiliation) when she says: “In addition to the taboo there’s also an element of “getting a rush” out of this kind of psychological button pushing. It’s exhilarating. I knew someone who was a skydiving instructor and I would always hear people ask him the question: “why would someone jump out of a perfectly good airplane?” So I sometimes feel like humiliation is the skydiving of the kink world.
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Why would someone want to be knocked a peg or two off a perfectly good social hierarchy?” There are many myths about erotic humiliation. A big one is that only those who have been abused and have low self-esteem like erotic humiliation, but I can tell you from experience that this is simply not true. Many of my play partners who have come to me for erotic humiliation and degradation are in senior positions in high profile jobs. They’re often the breadwinners for their loving families and are charismatic people with what could be seen to many as an ideal life. They often tell me that the reason they like to be humiliated is because they spend all day long telling people what to do, and their relationships are so full of love and adoration that they find it relaxing and enjoyable to shake it up – to give someone else the control and not have to think for a while. They get a thrill from being put in a position that they are not used to.
Humiliation is a great tool for overcoming anxieties and throwing off limitations that stop us from living in the moment. What kind of things do people do in humiliation play? Again, this is another question where the answer will vary greatly from person to person. This kind of play can be split up in multiple ways such as by level of intensity – embarrassment, humiliation, degradation, or dehumanization. They are also categorized as physical or verbal. Intensity in itself is quite subjective; something that might be a small embarrassment for one person might be deeply humiliating or degrading for another. I have some subs that have gained a rush from getting fully naked and dancing for me or to be forced to exercise naked, or I have some respectful women that have gained a rush from being told to ask permission before visiting the bathroom, and even supervised and wiped! For others, that kind of act is far too humiliating an idea for them that they set dancing for me as a limit. For others, it might not be either humiliating or erotic in any way. When I begin a discussion on humiliation play, I determine whether my submissive enjoys more physical or verbal forms of humiliation. Most of my real-time humiliation sessions begin with having my submissive knock on the door and then wait on the doorstep on their hands and knees. I make them crawl when they’re in my presence.
Physical forms of humiliation I am often asked to do are:
- Face sitting
- Rectal temperature taking
- Butt plugs and ass/anal control
- Figging, enema and anal punishment
- Slapping (breasts, pussy, asshole and face)
- Shaving pussy and asshole
- Medical exams & strip searches
- Naked exercise regime for weight loss
- Golden showers (urinating on someone body or face and/or in their mouth)
- Foot worship (forcing them kiss, lick, suck my toes and feet)
- Ass worship (having them kiss and lick my ass);
- Orgasm denial and control (being in control of when/how they can orgasm,);
- Objectification (using them as a footstool, a table or a chair); ·
- Commands (having certain commands they must complete without question)
- Requirement to ask permission for bathroom-use and under complete supervision and control
- Being made to bend over for random intimate inspections (hygiene control including panties, genital part and anus to ensure proper wiping and cleanliness).
For a complete list of humiliation read this post from Wikipedia
How can I get into humiliation play? Humiliation play can be an extremely fulfilling and empowering form of arousal play for all involved if it’s done correctly. It is recommended to always have a safe word just in case things get a bit intense. You may think that you don’t need one as you’ve never needed to use one before or because you feel it will be more exciting without one, but it’s always a good idea just in case. Remember to discuss what’s going to happen and negotiate desires and limits precisely beforehand. If a woman tells me they enjoy verbal humiliation that’s not enough. I need to know what kind of verbal humiliation. As for things like name calling, I need an idea of what names they like to be called, what names they’re okay with being called and what names they don’t want to be called or might find it traumatizing. With whips and canes it’s easy to start light and work up to more intense play, gauging your subs reactions and threshold. While subs may have differing thresholds for pain, the path from light to intense touch takes a very similar route.
Minds are more complex and all minds differ in their start and end points, and journey from light to intense play. Humiliation play is something that is best done with someone you can trust and feel comfortable with (either personally or as professional). Humiliation play can be a deeply personal sort of play, which can bring things to the surface you might not have even realized were within yourself or your play partner. I would definitely recommend doing a lot of research on psychological play before diving into it and make sure you have a good think about specific desires, fantasies and your limits. As a disciplinarian who has engaged in a lot of humiliation play, I can’t even begin to tell you how many submissives I’ve had come to me saying they want to be humiliated, but then seem to find it too humiliating to express exactly how they fantasize about being humiliated. They often say: “Just whatever you want to do to me.” This is not a truthful answer and it does nothing to help either party get the best out of a session or scene. Humiliation and degradation are extremely broad terms and while it may be quite… humiliating… to discuss in detail how you want to be humiliated, it is really in your best interest that you do.
On the flip side of that, if you are the dominant and your new submissive says “just whatever you want to do to humiliate me.” Don’t take that as answer – make sure you negotiate everything before beginning and don’t forget the importance of aftercare! Aftercare is extremely important after any form of BDSM play, especially psychological play.
Finally, if you really do want to get into erotic humiliation, make sure you go get yourself a copy of Enough To Make You Blush. It truly is a fantastic introduction to humiliation play and also has a lot of great ideas.
For more info email: SpankingRx@gmail.com
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